Tag: Football

Hey There Fellow Drinkers! It is time again for another batch of some Long Distance Drinking!

On this episode, through Leonard Nimoy’s death, we end up discussing and re-living the great career of Michael Clarke Duncan more than that of Mr. Nemo’s (as Lance keeps accidentally saying).

Aside from that, we stick with the “Hollywood” theme by discussing The Oscar Nominated movies for Best Picture, Hot Topless Maids and Brently’s proclivity for putting dicks in his mouth. We also delve into the process of paying respect to a TV show or movie by creating a fan-film that is different in style but still plays up the fan-service.

We also give an update to our Long Distance Dynasty on NCAA Football 2014 – here’s a spoiler, the three of us suck at it – and to Burns’ dismay, we avoid playing What’s in My Mouth again…


First off, apologies on the sound being a tad quiet at parts and over-loud at other parts. It apparently wasn’t a great idea for Burns to be blitzed when mic testing. Or for an entire podcast, which he was.

On this episode, Burns cannot hide his exuberance at the Gophers beating the Wolverines and winning the Little Brown Jug and explains why it’s important. The guys then tackle the tough topics of the day like the Fappening and Adrian Peterson. Then we introduce a couple of new segments – Challenge the Akinator and Fan Fiction Fuckery.

But, the whole episode falls apart once the gang debates the greatness (or lack therof) of the O.C., which causes Drunk Burns to completely lose his mind. Is it just the alcohol talking or is Burns really that insane? Find out on this edition of Long Distance Drinking!

Image courtesy of foxsports.com

COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS – In an unexpected news conference on Wednesday, Texas A&M University announced it would be suing many major banking institutions over the use of logos for their Automated Teller Machines (ATMs) due to the copyright infringement against their brand.

During the press conference, which many thought would be about NCAA violations, University Athletic Department Spokesman John Gildman stated that the action is being taken due to the likeness seen between the University’s iconic logo and the signage used on or around most ATMs.

TAM and ATM Logos

“As a university and a brand, we need to do what is right for Texas A&M, our alumni and our fans,” Gildman said.

Gildman continued to describe that given the similarity in the two logos, it may begin to draw negative connotations towards Texas A&M University. One main association that concerns the university is the association of ATM logos and money.

“We don’t want the likeness in these two logos to create a negative connection between Texas A&M University and money,” Gildman explained. “Our great university isn’t just about money. That is why we decided to bring these lawsuits against these financial institutions.”

This isn’t the first lawsuit Texas A&M has brought forth in order to protect one of its copyrighted properties – in 2006, the university filed a lawsuit against the NFL’s Seattle Seahawks over their use of the “12th Man” title for its fan-base. Texas A&M traced its use of the moniker back to 1922, well before the Seahawks first use of the term in 1984.

The Seahawks now pay a licensing fee to Texas A&M University in order to continue using the “12th Man” title for their fanbase.

Courtesy of www.thebatt.com

However, Gildman did state that the Seahawks may now be in violation of the licensing agreement.

“The licensing agreement with the Seattle Seahawks allows them to utilize the “12th Man” name with our permission in marketing activities both inside and outside of the stadium,” said Gildman. “However, recent activities by players and fans of the Seahawks in this year’s NFL Playoffs represent emulation that is outside of their licensing agreement. We will have to revisit that language and pursue further action accordingly.”

Gildman cited Seahawks fans throwing food items, including popcorn, at seriously injured San Francisco 49ers Linebacker NaVorro Bowman as he was being carted off the field along with Richard Sherman’s post-game tirade as examples of the Seahawks emulating the “passion and commitment” that Aggies’ fans and players display on gameday that isn’t currently covered in the pre-existing licensing agreement.

Llewelyn Jensen, a sports industry professor at Texas A&M University, agreed via phone interview that the Seahawks are becoming dangerously close to breaching the agreement.

“The Seattle fans and players fervent display of deuchebaguery is becoming too similar to what is seen in College Station on every football gameday from the real 12th Man,” said Jensen.

Fox reporter Erin Andrews and former WWE interviewer “Mean” Gene Okerland were not able to be reached for comment on their interviews with the Seahawks Defensive Back Sherman.

During the press conference, Gildman was asked if this series of lawsuits had anything to do with former Texas A&M Quarterback Johnny Manziel leaving the university to go to the NFL and attempting to replace the money he earned for their organization.

“This series of litigious actions has nothing to do with Johnny Manziel leaving the college,” Gildman replied, while contradictingly nodding his head yes.

Sources close to the situation that would like to remain confidential stated that the problem was posed to final semester students at the Texas A&M University Law School to be their capstone project for the Spring 2014 Semester. The project, titled “Recouping Future Losses Now: How to Replace a Cash Cow with Lawsuits in only 30 Days,” challenged the students, working in groups of five, to find “out of the box solutions” to “legally increase the university’s bottom line, both immediately and in perpetuity.”

Reportedly, other future lawsuits include suing each of America’s farm families for infringing on the teams nickname “Aggies”, seeking a cut of Johnny Manziel’s earnings from his “autograph sessions”, and taking action against the University of Texas for stealing Texas A&M’s idea of hiring an African-American head football coach and acting like they did it first.

Gildman refused to comment on any classes or the work that any students may be doing.

“In the Athletics Department, we prefer to distance ourselves as much as possible from the academics,” Gildman stated. “It makes many accusations so much easier to refuse in the future.”

If you have ever listened to sports radio leading up to the weekend, you have definitely heard the caffeine-fueled voices of those super excited  gambling advisers that promise you they know who will win and by how much. All you have to do is call their number and you will get that free, hot tip!

Little do you know when it comes to sports, I am a genius of guessing, a fiend at foretelling, a Prodigy of Prognostication!!


FOOTBALL FANS! The season is ramping up! And while some have fallen on tough times in this rough football economy, with upsets and faltering dynasties, I have made it my BUSINESS to get games right.

That’s right, it’s the HOBBY BOX here, and I pummel the competition like I’m Mohammed Ali with Mike Tyson’s teeth!  I speak like a butterfly and pick wins like a bee, and all of that with the biting strength of a rabid psycho! No other prognosticator out there has a better documented record than I do (I dare you to prove me wrong)!

And this week is Hobby Box Burns’ Thursday Night SURE-FIRE PICK OF THE YEAR! No one else is going out on a limb this week. But I am, because I can GUARANTEE victory. If I get this week wrong, you get the rest of the season’s picks for free (because why wouldn’t you want all of my picks the rest of the year if I’m wrong now, right)!

Usually, this is where I would have you call into my toll free number, 1-800-4-DA-BURNS, to get this SURE-FIRE PICK OF THE YEAR, but this is so special, I’m going to give you my breakdown right now:

Vikings vs Redskins

This is the story of two teams that started the season off rough and are now going in two separate directions.

The Redskins have won two of their last three games, beating the potent Chicago Bears when they still had Jay Cutler and the San Diego SUPER Chargers, while losing to the Denver Broncos in a game where they forced four Peyton Manning turnovers!

Then there is the Vikings. Only Leif Erickson and Bud Grant could right this sinking ship. The offense showed signs of life under Christian Ponder in the Vikings close loss in Dallas against the Cowboys last week. But, their defense is doing it’s best to prove that no lead is ever safe in the NFL.

Add to that the fact that rumors abound that almost every player and coach in the organization will be fired at the end of the season and things are looking even more down for those wearing the purple and gold.


The most damning thing affecting the mood in the locker room (and Christian Ponder in the above photo) is that the Vikings have an 0-2 record lifetime on Thursday Night Football – losing to Green Bay 9-7 in 2006 and Tampa Bay 36-17 last season. An anonymous source told me that the teams historic struggles on Thursday Night was a main focus in practice and game film sessions this past week.

So, it seems like a pretty safe 2.5 points to give to the Redskins in the victory, right? Well…



The Vikings will win this game! It is a HOBBY BOX BURNS SURE-FIRE LOCK!


The Vikings offense is just starting to pick up steam and with the Mall of America Field at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome crowd behind them, the defense will rally enough support to hold the Redskins. If I’m wrong, then they might as well tear down the Metrodome!

Also, we can throw the Vikings poor showings on Thursday Night Football (on NFL Network – please advertise with us or give me a job) out the WINDOW! That is because history is only showing us that the Vikings struggle on Thursday night against teams with Bay in their names! Also, Minnesota signed Brett Favre (who beat them in ’06) and Josh Freeman (who beat them in ’12) to atone for those losses. If you can’t beat them, have them join you at the nadir of their careers.

I also have one more piece of startling inside information that you can ONLY GET HERE! The Hobby Box has learned that Robert Griffin III (or RG3 to those that think abbreviations are cool) has defaulted on one of his payments to Dr. James Andrews for his knee operation last year.  An inside source has told me that the esteemed doctor, to get back at the Washington QB, is planning on using a Voodoo Doll to curse his formerly-injured knee during the game. That’s an HBB Sure-Fire GAR-UN-TEE!

james andrews espn_mw_surgery_300                voodoo doll
What you see is Dr. Andrews operating.                     The Voodoo Doll he is operating on….

So, as you see, it is a no brainer that this is my NFL THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL SURE-FIRE LOCK OF THE SEASON!

I am so certain of this pick that I am going to throw in, for free, my BIG TEN PICK OF THE WEEK! AT NO EXTRA CHARGE! WHAAAA?

That’s right! I will throw in my pick between the Penn State Nitany Lions and the Minnesota Golden Gophers completely for free…

All you have to do is dial 1-800-4-DA-BURNS and you will get my BIG TEN PICK OF THE WEEK and a recording of me reading my  NFL THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL SURE-FIRE LOCK OF THE SEASON in your choice of five different accents (regular, southern, cockney, Latino or seductive Latino). If you call within 45 minutes of reading this, I’ll even throw in all of next week’s reality show eliminations as well. That’s right, The VoiceX-FactorThe Biggest Loser, Dancing with the Stars and more! All you have to do is call RIGHT NOW: 1-800-4-DA-BURNS!

If you suspect you have a gambling problem, please dial the gambling helpline at 1-800-522-4700.

But if you don’t, call 1-800-4-DA-BURNS! If I get it wrong, you get the rest of my picks this season for FREE! So call NOW!