The Netflix rating system SUCKS!
What qualifies me to say that? I watch a lot of Netflix Streaming and I rate most everything I watch. I like rating movies. I like the feeling of giving credit to good movies and shaming the bad ones. But the Netflix rating system sucks, because five stars just isn’t enough to judge anything properly. Their “Hated It”, “Didn’t Like It”, “Liked It”, “Really Like It”, and “Loved It” rating system just doesn’t leave any room for really great movies or really terrible movies.
I end up giving 80% of movies three stars because they were just “meh” to me. And then I am forced to put movies like Planet Terror and Land of the Dead in the same five-star category as V for Vendetta and Dr. Strangelove, when there is at least a star in between them. But I can’t drop Planet Terror and Land of the Dead down to the four-star level with movies such as Payback and Get Shorty.
Then, the movies that I rated as “Hated It”, like The Mist and The Day After Tomorrow, get lumped into one-star ratings with movies that should be rated lower because they gave me cancer and kicked my dead dog, like 2 Fast 2 Furious and Timeline (because Paul Walker sucks).
This got me thinking about other rating systems that are out there. There’s the “X” out of 10 rating system (solve for X), but that is just too many numbers. When I see this rating system used I don’t give a shit about numbers 4-7, 9-10 might as well be the same number, and 1-3 must just be terrible. And then, I just don’t know what to do with 8; it feels like getting a 15 in black jack (not sure if you want to hit or not).
Then there is Siskel & Ebert’s famous “thumbs” rating system that is for the dumbest of people who have no cognitive function, they just like shiny lights and loud sounds ( and anything by Michael Bay)… Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down, FUCK YOU!
And this problem isn’t just for movies. It also goes for TV shows, books, music, and whatever else you can or want to rate. So that is my dilemma – there has to be a better rating system.
I have been pondering this a lot and I have an idea for something better. It isn’t perfect, but I believe it is an improvement. It is a seven star rating system.
With the Seven Star Rating SystemTM, One Star represents the worst movies ever made. These are movies so bad that you wish nothing but terrible, terrible things on whoever (whomever?) was responsible – like for the rest of their lives, whenever they take a step it is always on a Lego.
Then you have a middle ground, Four Stars: the rating you give movies when you can’t quite decide if they are good or not. Finally, you have a Seventh Star you can reserve for what you watch, listen to, or read that make you feel things and say “Wow! That. Was. Amazing!” Also, the Seven Star Rating SystemTM eliminates the confusion about what the fuck to do with the “8”.
Seven Star Rating SystemTM would be this:
- One Star: Atrocious. These movies are so bad that you are pissed you wasted money and time on it. It’s like eating a soggy biscuit from all the demons of all the circles of hell.
- Two Stars: Terrible. There are very few things you liked about these movies, they are mostly awful.
- Three Stars: Bad. The things that you didn’t like outweigh the things you like by slim margin.
- Four Stars: Meh. The movies you haven’t really decided if you liked them or not. There were good and bad points and more often than not it needs rewatching to determine your opinion.
- Five Stars: Good. The things that you like outweigh the things you don’t. They are enjoyable and often include guilty pleasure movies.
- Six Stars: Great. These movies get almost everything right. What flaws there are do not detract from the overall enjoyment of the show.
- Seven Stars: Incredible. This is reserved for the best of the best. These movies made a real impact on you and you will never forget them. It’s like a velvet hammer from God himself.
Now, I know this still has holes in it because it only gives a very general view of whatever you are reviewing, but we are working on something to help make the review system mean more to you. So until the entire “Greatest” Rating System is ready, we will be using the Seven Star Rating SystemTM.
So what do you think of Seven Star Rating SystemTM? Does it make sense or is it total crap? Let us know what you think in the comments. Also comment on your One star and Seven star picks for movies, TV show, music and/or books.
P.S. God damn Siskel & Ebert’s Thumbs. Two thumbs so far down, they’re six feet under. (Too soon?)