Why I Enjoy Destroying Humanity

Tom Awesome
Tom Awesome

I’m not ashamed to admit that I carry a grudge. I was an avid World of Warcraft player at launch (I nearly failed out of my senior of college, thanks WoW), and a proud member of the Horde. My main was undead, but I enjoyed playing as Orcs and Taurens.

I vividly remember being a hapless noob exploring Azeroth with wide eyes and a sense of wonder, and BAM! I was ganked by an Alliance member. His level was hidden by skulls, meaning he was at least 10 levels higher than me. What a jerk.

I resurrected and resumed my PvE questing. And he killed me again. And again. And again.┬áIt wasn’t enough to kill me once, he had to make sure my play sessions was ruined.It was the first, but certainly not the last time the Alliance set out to ruin my day. I didn’t mind throwing down with a human or elf around my own level, but being slaughtered unrelentingly by much more powerful characters while I innocently attempted to collect roughly 10,000,056,092 zherva hooves for NPCs left an impression. How much did it affect my psyche?

I bear a particular grudge against humans and elves. After mowing down herds of these innocent Zhervas, I imagine they have similar feelings about the undead.
I bear a particular grudge against humans and elves. After mowing down herds of these innocent Zhervas, I imagine they have similar feelings about the undead.

It was years before I was comfortable being a human or elf in a video game again.

I think there are still residual effects. I take particular joy in being a Cylon when I play Battlestar Galactica. I excel at making the humans believe I am on their side, before crushing them at a crucial point late in the game.

I think it’s one of the reasons I enjoy Evolve so much. Sure, it’s fun to team up with the Hobby Box and Lance and my buddy Eric to take down the big monsters, but for me the real thrill is using Goliath to smash the four pitiful humans into pulp. Roasting them with firebreath as they pitifully try to jetpack to safety makes me giggle with glee. Every round I win ends with a triumphant fist pump and an exultation of”f-you, humans!”

I’ve grown to a point where I like some humans. Nathan Drake, Commander Shepard and Tallion were all alright, but I don’t think I will ever get over the feeling of glee that comes from destroying humans and elves (and hobbits, but Frodo is a whole other rant). I hope more video and board games give me interesting opportunities to destroy the alliance.

Feel free to share your thoughts via twitter at @GameOnGOONS or @GOONgamerTom or via email at GameOnGOONS@gmail.com. Your thoughts could make it on a future episode of the Game On, Oblivious Noobs gamecast.

Tom Awesome

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